Letter To Jonathan

Jonathan,

It was such a blessing to visit with you today. I can’t tell you how precious it was to have you ask for prayer to be a better husband. I know I told you the “you get what you see” rule. If you see a person’s faults, those faults will magnify. If you see their goodness, that will grow.

I didn’t think to mention another extremely important imperative for both of you. NEVER belittle, mortify, humiliate, or hurt one another. NEVER utter a negative comment about your spouse to anyone, including your spouse. When referring to your spouse, the only thing anyone (including your spouse) needs to hear is how wonderful they are. Your children should grow up hearing that their Mommy is the most wonderful woman, and that their Daddy is the best. When your children hear this, your spouse will hear it too.

Nothing feels better than to know that you are pleasing to your spouse. We will rise to the level of the measure that they hold us in regard. Nothing hurts more than to be constantly reminded of all of our flaws and shortcomings. It works like witchcraft. We become locked in a prison of accusations. The words are like chains of bondage that trap us in hopelessness.

My husband may have flaws but I have chosen not to see them, so they have dissolved away in the glow of my love and appreciation. To me he is perfect. I admire him. I value his love and I will do everything in my power to promote him, bless him, and make him happy. He has responded to my unconditional love in kind. I am totally confident in his love and desire to see me happy. He would do anything rather than to lower my high regard for him. I didn’t choose to see him through rose colored glasses to change or manipulate him. I did it because he is God’s wonderful gift to me. I am entrusted with the health of his soul. Positive words and appreciation are like vitamins and minerals. Belittling comments are like ulcers that eat away at our well being.

If you were to ask any member of our family, or any of our friends if they have ever heard Gary or I utter a negative comment about each other, their answer would be no. I tell you this because we are the most happily married people we know. Are we that way because we don’t have any flaws??? (How many perfect people do you know?)

Because we have chosen to see the best in each other, we also get the best of each other.

It is an absolute. What you see in your spouse, and how you reinforce that with your words determines how your spouse responds to you.

Love one another. Jesus loves you both enough to lay down his life for you. Differences in personality, gifts and abilities, are not negatives. They are the treasures that each of you bring to your family. Value them and nurture them.

I look forward to the day when I hear you warmly boast that you are married to the most wonderful woman in the world.

Love,
Kristine